The Princess's Garden: Cosplay vs. Lolita

Costume or Fashion - Some can't tell the difference

A friend recently sent me a flyer for a cosplay event featuring a lolita theme, because she knows of my interest in lolita fashion and also my previous history of cosplay. A month ago, another friend pointed out a group of maid cosplayers dancing on stage at a local event saying, “Oh hey look at the lolitas”. I’ve heard other stories about lolitas at events in which cosplayers swarmed them and tried to start discussing anime with them. It struck me how people outside of these two subcultures often lump these subcultures together. What’s more amazing to me is how people within these communities sometimes try to group them together when they are two totally different geekdoms.

For reference, cosplay stands for “costume play”. It is a subculture revolving around making and wearing costume replicas of various fandoms, popularly associated with anime and manga.  Lolita on the other hand is, to quote LolitaFashion.org, “a Japanese street fashion inspired primarily by the clothing and general aesthetics of the Rococo and Victorian periods”.

The key words here are “costume” and “fashion”. While both subcultures revolve around clothing and originated in Japan, cosplay deals with costumes and lolita fashion about actual day-to-day wearable clothing. For cosplayers, the interest is focused on the fandom they are portraying and for lolitas, the interest is in a specific style of fashion. The dynamic divide which exists between these two groups has generated two emerging stereotypes – the annoying cosplayer and the bitchy lolita.

On the cosplayers side, they look to the lolitas and see girls (and boys, mind you) dressed in Japanese street fashion. They can relate to them – they both have a love of something originating from the same place and they aren’t afraid to go out in public dressed differently. And hey, even some of their favorite anime characters dress like that too!  It’s easy for the cosplayer to assume that they must share similar interests, hobbies, and fandoms (usually anime). However, sometimes the response is a rude rejection – a few terse words and a verbal slap to the face for daring to group the two together.

On the other side, here the lolita is dressing up day to day in her fashion of choice. Lolita fashion is her wardrobe. She endures society’s constant critical eye watching her with people taking her fashion as a joke. Society tries to tell her that what she is wearing is a costume and not a true fashion, a misconnection she continuously tries to clear up. And then she has to watch as all the hard work she’s done to get her fashion taken seriously be thrown out the window by a costume based subculture trying to bring them under the same banner.

For the cosplayer, she has only extended an olive branch of friendship as a way of banning together as fellow geeks and doesn’t understand the rejection. For the lolita, she is upset that assumptions are being made about her based solely on her clothes. And like the cosplayers who may make the assumptions that lolitas must like anime too, there are lolitas who make the assumption that cosplayers don’t understand the distinct differences between their two subcultures.  Obviously not all cosplayers and lolitas are the same. In fact, there are plenty who engage in both subcultures. But as a person who dresses in lolita fashion and who has once been involved in the cosplay community, I personally wish people would distinguish between the two subcultures. However, I think this can be done without getting flustered and rude about making the distinction. I think this needs to be something both subcultures work on – the cosplayers shouldn’t leap to assumptions that all lolitas share the same interests as them and the lolitas need not react in such a negative way if and when those assumptions are made.

Speaking from a lolitas point of view, I think it’s in the best interest of my fellow rufflebutts to keep calm and be polite when they are faced with this sort of assumption whether it’s from a cosplayer or someone outside of both subcultures. Yes, we do want our street style to be recognized as a legitimate fashion and not a costume. But snapping at others and making rude comments doesn’t help us look any better. We do not need our reputation to be one of elitism or rudeness. The best way to handle this situation is to calmly explain the differences between the two groups, educating them without chastising them for not being able to tell the difference. Because you know what? For many people not familiar with these groups, they look the same – they see a bunch of girls dressed in colorful and unusual clothing that looks reminiscent of something they might see in a cartoon. A girl dressed as Sakura Kinomoto might look the same as a girl wearing an Angelic Pretty dress. Don’t beret them for it. Simply educate them as politely as possible. And if a hyperactive cosplayer comes over and wants to discuss anime with you and anime isn’t your thing, again – be polite. It’s not hard just to smile and explain that you aren’t familiar with their interests. Either they will go away or you will find a common ground and maybe make a new friend. There’s no need to be condescending. We’re all geeks. We’re all different. No one hobby or interest is better than another. And at the end of the day, we all deserve to be accepted, by our fellow geeks more than anyone else.

How to Hook a Princess

The Warlock's notes on how he caught his Princess.

So you want a princess of your very own, huh? Well if kidnapping or coercion isn’t your style, here are a few tips on how to go about courting a scene girl especially if she’s in a subculture you are not very familiar with.

The Gamer

The Princess says:

Maybe you saw her at a convention, or maybe she’s a new girl in your gaming community. Whatever the case may be, her hobby makes her very accessible since gaming is a social hobbythat anyone can participate in.    If she’s in your local gaming scene, then you’ll probably have a good chance to get to know her. If she’s at a convention, try to get involved in a game she’s playing in.

Play it cool with a gamer girl. She’s likely just as much of a fan as you are and probably just as eager to discuss the pros and cons of 3.5 vs Pathfinder. Treat her like an equal. Just because she’s a girl doesn’t mean she doesn’t know what she’s doing. I’ve seen plenty of guys make the mistake of assuming I don’t know anything about a given game based purely on the fact of being female. It can be very frustrating. If you happen to be involved in a game with her, an easy opener is using the game or her character as a conversation opener. Try to avoid instantly going into your character and all your war stories. Give her the chance to speak. Get her going enough and you may score a phone number.

The Warlock says:

Ok, so you found the girl that does want to hear about your 20^th level paladin, or at least will listen, so don’t over react!  The worst thing to do is overwhelm her, you want her to be able to open up .  Ask about her gamming experiences, ask about what games she likes, what her favorite characters are.  Give her plenty of time to tell you about what she likes.  Then once you have some footing  try to find ways to compare your experiences with hers.  You already have a lot of similarities if your both gamming, so try to find ways to cement that.  You want her to look at your similarities not differences.  Gamming can create some intense emotional experiences, find out what some of hers are, and then try to link it to one of your.  Now you have a linked strong emotional experience in both your minds, try to find a few more common grounds, and she’ll start to think you were made for each other.  Make sure she knows how to get into your other games, but don’t insist, just leave the comparison from her old game to this new one so entice her.  

The Lolita

The Princess says:

Tread carefully when pursuing a lolita. As someone who in actively involved in this scene, I can say to you with confidence that lolitas are very wary about being approached by strangers. And with good reason – we’re constantly the target of creepers and random people shouting insults at us on the streets because of our unique fashion sense. Please understand that this causes us to be more on the defensive when we’re out and about.

The first thing is not to assume that just because she is a scene girl does not necessarily also mean that she’s also into anime or gaming. Some are, yes. But not all. Lolitas appreciate sincerity and genuine displays of interest. Try starting off by complimenting her and follow up with a remark about how refreshing it is to meet someone who is willing to be themselves contrary to what popular media dictates. This will win you major brownie points. Saying something along those lines shows her that you are accepting her for who she is. Acceptance and validation are something many lolitas sadly lack in both society and their personal lives, so hearing this will certainly warm her up to you. From there feel to ask questions, just make sure to keep them respectful and be aware that she may be a bit guarded at first.

The Warlock says:

This one requires a bit of leg work, but if you put the time in at the beginning this one should a bit easier in execution.  Learn fashion.  Watch Project Runway, read a fashion magazine, or if you corner cutter (not a good plan here) at least watch The Devil Wears Prada.  Lolita’s know their fashion so faking it just won’t work.  Once you know a bit work on complementing the clothes.  Ask “Is that Innocent World?” or “Did you see Angelic Pretty’s last fashion show?  They had a dress very similar to that….”.  You don’t need to be an expert they’ll forgive you if you can’t tell Baby The Stars Shine Bright from Victorian Maiden, but the fact that you’re not ignorant of their life style is a great foot in the door (In fact if your clever enough to actually know the difference, you may want to make the mistake anyway, her correcting you should take longer than her just saying yes, giving you more face time to make yourself memorable)  Once you establish that you are 1) not making fun of them, and 2) know what they are about it should be easy to get them to talk to you.  For extra brownie points brush up on Victorian etiquette and use it whenever you can. 

  

The Cosplayer

The Princess says:

For the most part, you’re likely to meet a cosplay girl at a convention. Luckily, she’s displaying her fandom out in the open, so that gives you the opportunity to discuss a potential mutual interest right there. If she’s dressed out as a character from a video game series, you can ask her what she thinks of the newest game. It’s nice to be approached by someone who is interested in your thoughts and not the skin tight body suit you’re wearing.

Which brings me to the next point – her eyes are located on her head not her chest. Keep your sight above shoulder level. She’s likely been stalked around by shady characters with cameras all day. The last thing she wants is to have to deal with more lewd stares. Also remember that the more physically attractive and more revealing her attire is, the more frequently she has to deal with this behavior. 

The Warlock says:

Cosplayers are a bit eclectic so you’ll have to be a bit careful on your approach.  Fortunately if you around them, there is probably a group so you should have a few chances.  We’ll start with average/not revealing everything cosplayer.  Most of them are out going, expressive, and excitable.  Be very excited about their costume.  They did a GREAT job on it, IT’S AMAZING!!!!!  Working  in a little physical contact, such a feel of the sleeve, or closer look at a head piece is a great way to get in close and intimate fast.  Physical contact is a tricky situation but, they are usually used to being glomped so you should be good as long as you don’t just start caressing them or something.  After that try to find out what their other interests are besides the show.  Do they only like anime, do they love video games, are they any other category listed in this article.  Once you know what else they are like try to use that to build conversations on.  You want to stand out, and everyone is talking about their costume already so you need to talk about something else they like.  

Now onto the Poison Ivy/ Darth Talon/Is-that-just-a-pasty? cosplayer.  Boy are you not the first guy to hit on her, and yes she is sick of it by now.  So you have to make her come to you.  If she’s in the costume she knows who it is, and is probably as knowledgeable as you.  Use that.  Make a comment about the costume, but DON’T complement it.  “Really the costume from issue 18….bit overdone don’t you think?”  “Is that a wig?” (If it looks real NOT if it’s obviously a wig)  “Did you think about using liquid Latex for those scars?”  Make her defend the costume.  Make her interested in the fact that you’re not going out of your way please her like everyone else.  If you can open it to other critiques of the costume.  You don’t want to insult her but try to find neutral comments that make her fish for meaning, and therefore talk to you. 

The Rennie 

The Princess says:

Check out any local Renn Faire and you’re sure to find a flock of ladies with their bosoms half spilling from their tightened corsets. It’s an immediate allure for sure, and pair that with their fondness for bawdy songs and beer and you have yourself the chance for a potential vivacious and fun loving partner.

Like the Cosplayer, Rennie ladies (or wenches, as some refer to themselves as), are used to being gawked at by passersby. They’ve also probably heard every come on there is in the book. Futhermore, Rennies tend to keep to themselves when it goes to relationships. Faire workers and faire regulars are infamous for having a rather incestuous social scene. To get her attention you’ll need to stand out from the crowd without coming off as a total creeper. Rennies tend to appreciate witty humor, devilish charm and intelligence, so cleverness is the way to go for a first move. Try pulling aside a roaming rose seller and asking him/her to deliver a rose to her for you.

The Warlock says:

The fastest way to catch one is to be one, or at least seem to be one.  Like the Lolita this requires a bit of leg work.  You don’t have to have everything memorized, but learn a drinking song or two, review “medieval”  English vernacular (you don’t have to use it, but be able to follow it, and laugh at jokes) , and build up your tolerance for drinking.  You don’t necessarily need to be in costume or “garb” but it helps.  Don’t go half way though.  If it’s going to be a ruffled shirt with jeans and a Yankee cap don’t bother.  Just dress normal and be yourself.  If you’re going to wear garb then go and get a whole set and show your really invested.  The last thing you need is some gimmick, to help separate you from the rest of the pageantry.   If you can juggle, or ride a unicycle or do card tricks then great.  Lug that stuff around and make an impression.  If not try to find some obscure historical facts, memorize them and then drop them when you can.  This should be enough to get you started, but you’ll probably need to really learn stuff if you want things to continue.     

Closing thoughts

The Princess says:

There are a few universal tips when it comes to pursuing any lady. First, we can smell  desperation from a mile away. Women respond to confidence. That’s why you see so many of them with jerks. Don’t be a jerk, but do try to carry yourself with pride.

Second, give her space. Emotionally and physically. If you’ve made your move, chances are she’s picked up on it. If she’s interested, she will respond, if she doesn’t, let her go. Additionally, when approaching any girl, please don’t invade her personal space and do not make physical contact. Most women find that very invasive and may be freaked out. So please respect herpersonal space.

The Warlock says:

Be memorable.  Find ways to have a conversation, and make her think.  The more face time you can get the better.  Don’t be embarrassed by any of your likes and show interest in all of hers.  You need to be confident and show you are compatible.  Spend the extra money on good “garb” or clothes (at least 3 of the 4 Princess here are dressing up regularly) If you don’t look like you care about your clothes, then way would you care about theirs?  Don’t walk around in a ripped T-Shirt even if it does show how old school you are.  And last practice.  You don’t have to hit on every girl you see, and you don’t need to be hitting on someone to practice.  Just use the tips above to talk to girls about your hobby without wanting or needing it to go anywhere.  You’ll both get a fun conversation and you can get over any jitters you have about talking to girls.  Then when the time comes that you’re looking for that special someone’s number you can be more relaxed about it.  

(Or just make your own princess here!)

The Princess's Garden: Incorporating Lolita Fashion into LARPs

When my friend Victoria of Lolita Charm was planning to try out her first LARP experience in a local boffer LARP, she wasn’t sure quite what to expect and came to me for advice on how to incorporate Lolita fashion into her character’s wardrobe. I felt that this would be an ideal topic to discuss here, since I know many other lolitas who are also gamers, or lolitas who are interested in getting started in LARPs.

LARPs (Live Action Role Playing) can be broken down into two basic forms – demonstrative and salon. Demonstrative LARPs include “Boffer” style LARPs in which the actions of the characters are played out. The combat is done in real time with fake, boffer weapons. These types of LARPs usually take place in campgrounds over long weekends. You will be expected to remain in-character the entire time and will have to actually perform anything you want your character to accomplish. For example, in a table top game, you might play a bard and explain to the DM that your character sings a song in the local tavern to earn some money. In a demonstrative LARP you would be required to actually sit and sing if that’s what you wanted to do.

Salon style LARPs are more theatrical in nature. These include the MET (Mind’s Eye Theater) and Cthulu Live systems. In salon style LARPs, your character can perform actions you may not be able to. If you are playing a thief, you could make an ability check to see if you can open a lock rather than actually have to open the lock yourself. While dialogue and basic movements are all acted out, combat and abilities are determined by a system, often using rock-paper-scissors and dice rolling to determine the outcome.

In Demonstrative LARPs, you will likely be spending a lot of time outdoors being physically active and getting dirty. It is not an ideal LARP form for strict Lolita fashion, and in most cases demonstrative LARPs tend toward historical and/or fantasy genres, so straight up Lolita fashion is really not the way to go (you don’t want that Angelic Pretty OP covered in sweat and mud, do you?). However, you can create a wardrobe that is “Lolita inspired”. There are two ways to go about this; create your own outfit or shop around and build up a costume.

If you want to wear Lolita in a demonstrative LARP, I would advise staying away from brand and keep with inexpensive offbrand that you will be okay with possibly getting dirty or damaged. You may wish to consider delving into mori girl or dolly kei fashions which may be more appropriate. However, if you prefer to stick with Lolita, then I would suggest wearing more classic lines like the Innocent World JSK shown above. Since, as I mentioned, the majority of demonstrative LARPs are more fantasy based and take place in forest campgrounds, you will probably want to stick with more muted, natural tones. You can wear a faux-fur wrap or cloak over your dress. To add a touch of whimsy consider playing a fairy or an elf and add elf ears, fairy wings and/or a crown of flowers. Pair this with leather arm bracers and a good pair of comfortable boots as you can easily portray an elven archer or a fairy enchantress.

In Salon style, it is much easier to wear regular Lolita fashion since you will not be asked to participate in simulated combat nor will it be as physically taxing. Additionally, many salon style LARPs setting take place in modern times.

However, in cases of historical games taking place before the Victorian era, I would caution against wearing Lolita fashion in favor of working with the game’s aesthetic. In these cases, it’s best to just wear a costume of the appropriate time period to help with being consistent with historical accuracy. Likewise, a sci-fi or futuristic game setting may also not be appropriate. But for games taking place from the Victorian era to modern times, you should be all set.

The majority of salon style LARPs tend toward gothic and steampunk aesthetics, therefore classic and gothic Lolita attire will likely be the most appropriate. You can easily wear whatever attire you would normally wear out around the town for a salon style LARP since you will not be in any more danger of damaging your brand any more than you would going out on a shopping excursion.  If you’ve never delved into steampunk, often times just adding a pair of goggles and a pocketwatch  to your outfit will do. Character concepts like an occult scholar or an airship captain could be ideal for these type of games.

Surely you have noticed the lack of concepts here for sweet lolitas. That is because sweet Lolita style generally will only work in salon style LARPs set in modern settings.  In that case, there’s not much you will need to do to adjust your outfit to the setting.

So in conclusion, if you are a Lolita wishing to get involved into LARPs and want to incorporate your fashion into the game, the key things to remember are the type of LARP it will be and what the game’s setting will be. It may simply not be appropriate for you to wear your frills at game, but there are plenty of times you can. Just do your research before jumping in.